I Had No Idea This WAs Really a Thing
True story. I was scrolling through TikTok on my Lazy Learning Land teacher account, and I came across a post on my for you page (#fyp). It was of a teacher who just finished up her third year in the profession. She stated that it would also be her last year teaching…she would not be returning.
The reason she mentioned was because of the emotional trauma and strain she endures at the end of the school year. The times when she has to say goodbye to her students, that she literally has grown to love as if they were her own. She just couldn’t take the emotional toll anymore.
Intrigued, I then went to the comments for this particular post. I saw hundreds of teachers responding with similar feelings. Some saying, they are still teaching but experience that separation trauma year after year. Others saying, they are no longer teachers, but they don’t miss that feeling.
I was shocked, appalled, all of the above. I truly did not know that this was really a thing. I have never experienced it before. I mean, it’s most likely because I have an anxious attachment style. Meaning, growing up, emotional connection and support was unpredictable.
Ultimately aiding me in naturally building close but yet still far enough away relationships with my students. Better known as, bonds and boundaries.
Okay, let me sit up and get off of this therapy couch, and into the real nitty gritty. I immediately thought, how come teachers don’t act more like foster parents. How come we don’t utilize the strategies they use, because they ultimately have to give the children back too. That’s when the research began, and I now present to you.
Bonds and Boundaries: Lessons From Foster Parents
What Teachers Can Learn from Foster Parents. This is where we can learn valuable lessons from them. These people are experts in creating nurturing connections, while at the same time, maintaining the boundaries necessary for both the child’s and their own well-being. Foster parents know exactly what teachers go through, when it’s time to return children to their biological families.
1) Understand the Role of Being a Temporary Guardian
Foster parents do a great job of bonds and boundaries. They are pros at embracing the concept that their role is temporary. They know that they are there to provide stability, care, and support. All during a child’s critical time in life. To parallel, as teachers, it is critical to remember that our footprint in our students lives is permanent, but our role is still temporary.
2) Set Clear Boundaries
Foster parents are often advised to set clear, healthy boundaries with the children in their care. Making them experts at creating bonds and boundaries. This not only protects the emotional well-being of the child, but also helps the foster parent to manage their own emotions.
In a similar manner, we as teachers can benefit from establishing boundaries that define the teacher-student relationship. This may include setting specific times when students can and cannot contact you. It may also include being mindful of the amount of personal information and personal experiences you share with a student or students.
3) Encourage Self-Reliance
One of the key goals of foster care is to empower children, and to develop resilience and independence. Foster Parents often focus on teaching life skills and encouraging children to solve problems on their own. While at the same time still providing them with guidance and support.
As teachers, we can adopt a very similar approach to create bonds and boundaries. You can encourage your students to think critically, to solve problems independently, and to take responsibility for the parts of their life that they can control. Such as their learning, and the way they respond to adverse situations. This helps them to build confidence and reduces the likelihood of them becoming over reliant on you.
For my elementary and primary teachers. Encouraging independence in your students helps prevent them from becoming overly needy and clingy. Ultimately creating a balanced teacher-student relationship. While also helping to reduce the risk of emotional distress on both parts, when it’s time to move to the next grade.
4) Practice Empathy Without Over-Identification
Foster parents are trained to show empathy, without over-identifying with the children in their current care. By utilizing this balance of bonds and boundaries, they are able to understand the importance of being compassionate and understanding. Yet, still maintaining a professional distance.
As a teacher, practicing empathy means listening to your students, validating their feelings, and offering support. But, not taking on their emotional burdens as your own. Well, let me say not taking on too many of their emotional burdens as your own. It’s in our nature, some of us can’t help but do it
5) Bonds and Boundaries: Seek Support When Needed
Foster parents often rely on a network of support. Including social workers, counselors, and fellow foster parents. They need this in order to help navigate the challenges of their role.
We, as teachers, should also seek support whenever we are feeling overwhelmed or emotionally drained. Whether it is talking to a colleague, seeking advice from a mentor, or reaching out to a school counselor. Having a support system in place can help you manage your emotions and maintain healthy boundaries with your students.
If you are looking for other ways to manage your emotions when it comes to student. Check out Hold Expectations, Not Grudges: Navigating Student-Teacher Conflict.
Conclusion
As each school year starts, similarly, each school year must come to an end. It is natural to feel a deep sense of loss, knowing that the students you have nurtured, guided, and cared for will soon move on. This pain is a true testament to the powerful connections you have built and it is a reflection of your passion as a teacher.
Just as foster parents must say goodbye to the children they have cared for. So must you. And both foster parents, and teachers alike, have to trust that they have provided them with the tools they need to thrive. That their influence will continue to resonate with each of those children, long after they have left you.
By embracing your role as a temporary guide, setting clear boundaries, fostering self-reliance, practicing empathy without over-identifying, and seeking support when needed. You can find the healthy balance that allows you to be the compassionate, effective teacher your students need, without losing yourself in the process.
Remember, the end of a school year is not the end of your influence—it’s the beginning of your students’ next chapter, shaped in part by the love and guidance you’ve given them. So, embrace the bittersweet farewells, knowing that you’ve made a difference, and trust that by maintaining a healthy balance of bonds and boundaries, you’ll be ready to do it all again with the next group of young minds that enters your classroom.
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